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The Funny Side of Tired :)

How could we live without humor? Humor for humor’s sake. Humor as a means of communication. Humor for times of stress and heartache. Humor in times of joy and glee.

One of the side effects of chemotherapy is fatigue, which I’ve starting experiencing. When my husband asked this morning how I’m feeling, my mouth spoke tired and my brain thought, I’m feeling a little “Lili Von Shtupp” – “I’m so Tired” – the brilliant musical number from the Mel Brooks comedy, “Blazing Saddles.” (I’m a movie geek so that’s how my brain works) This number is my kind of funny. Hilarious! Totally took my mind off of actually being tired and brought a big ole grin to my face.

Madeline Kahn (Lili) is celebrated as an incredible actress, singer and comedienne, (even though she didn’t see herself as naturally funny so had to really work at it). She developed ovarian cancer in 1998 and we lost her genius in 1999. She was 57 years old.

Her take on humor: “Laughter is a strange response. I mean, what is it? It’s a spasm of some kind! Is that always joy? It’s very often discomfort. It’s some sort of explosive reaction. It’s very complex.”

For me, humor’s always been a coping mechanism and saving grace. And, I have to agree with Madeline, it’s complicated.

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What a Feeling!

“First when there’s nothing, but a slow glowing dream, that your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind..”

“What a Feeling” – from the film “FlashDance.”

Since the first time I heard this inspiring Irene Cara hit, it’s become a personal mantra and life philosophy.

“Take your passion and make it happen..”

This song excited and motivated me to pursue my dream of becoming an actress and performing in community theater.

“Believe in yourself and what you can accomplish.”

Today that determination and confidence strengthens my will and shows me that I can accomplish whatever I want. So, cancer, you don’t stand a chance!

What a Feeling!

New Attitude

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, shaping our lives and image of ourselves based on outside input and descriptions others have deemed to be true. From birth, we take on the totality of remarks and declarations outright or subtly put in our heads. Whether it’s from parents uttering – “oh, you’re so pretty” maybe trying to build up our self-esteem or to teachers concluding “you don’t really have a head for numbers” in an effort to shield us from what they perceive as a possible failure.

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These early definitions paint a picture we add to as we approach life and try to sort out how we fit in and what we’re capable of accomplishing. We are socialized by our peers, teachers, and loves. What we hear we sometimes assimilate to and believe.

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I used to call myself a late bloomer, but a therapist corrected me saying “No, you come into things in your own time.” That perspective totally changed the way I thought of myself and opened my eyes to the fact that I was basing my definition of self on what others deemed as “appropriate” timing or behavior. I had been primarily judging myself by letting society dictate, on some level, my worthiness.

Maybe, if we stop letting others define who we are, we might just find the person we were meant to be.

Thank You!

I’d like to thank everyone for their words of encouragement and appreciation of my previous post, “It’s a Beautiful Day!” I start chemotherapy for my Colon Cancer tomorrow and it feels great going into it with positive thoughts and energy.

I claim there will be no side-effects from the treatment. I know some might think that’s being a little optimistic but how many people do you know with two unrelated cancers at the same time? Huh? I’m that special. Not at all typical and neither will be my experience. 😊

Erase all Doubt!

It’s a Beautiful Day!

As my journey fighting cancer continues, I find myself more conscious of God’s grace in waking me up each day. The gift that I’ve been given from this challenge is the opportunity to appreciate, enjoy and live each day with purpose and without fear. Fear is a thief. It robs us of the opportunity to stand in the moment and forces us to focus on the past and future instead of the now.

I tell my family that going through this is really God’s love. He loves me so much that he wants me to go to the next level of awareness. To stretch and fully treasure my life and those in it.

I haven’t seen or heard this powerful song from the Broadway play and film “Rent” in numerous years and was caught off guard when listening as the tears began to stream down my face. The words still ring true and my emotion is still very real.

Tomorrow is not promised so there is – “No Day But Today.”

Emotions – The Joy of Sadness

A common denominator for us all? – Emotions. I’ve learned over time to respect all my feelings. We have them for a reason and it’s okay to not have a perpetual smile on your face. It’s all about degrees. Without sadness, we wouldn’t appreciate the joy in our lives. I saw the Pixar movie “Inside Out” and loved it! It’s not just for kids, adults as well can learn a lot about how emotions affect us.

My heart went out to Sadness. For her, situations always seemed to go wrong. I’ve always felt that we’re conditioned to believe the only acceptable feeling is joy and the others, anger, fear and disgust are to be avoided. Even in the movie, Sadness tends to get a bad rap, but we need her. Plus, she’s so darn adorable!

I always try to remember that it’s okay to be sad sometimes. Just don’t forget to get back up again and celebrate joy!

Your Book is Still Unwritten👣

Music can be so therapeutic. It can lift your spirit or feed your melancholy. It creates a mood and can affect your state of mind.

“Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield reminds me that I’m still a work in progress and I get to write my own story!

Pure Imagination

One of my favorite films from childhood is “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.” I’m inspired by his belief that all things are possible, and with imagination whatever you dream can be. What a great philosophy and attitude to keep joy and a positive spirit in your life.

The next step in my journey is chemotherapy for colon cancer. I just completed radiation therapy for my breast cancer and that was a breeze. Twice a day for five days. Five and a half minutes of actual radiation. All I did was lay there on my side hooked up to the machine and listen to classic 70’s music. A little “Summer Breeze” by Seals and Croft, yes! The staff was great, especially Rachel who set me up and took care of me. No side effects. A little fatigue but that was it. Outstanding!

Now, time to take care of the colon cancer. Has to be chemo, no way around it, however, I’ve already claimed that I won’t have any side effects. Fatigue is all I will accept. Faith has gotten me this far, and I know it will deliver me the rest of the way.

Erase all Doubt

Met with my Oncologist today to review what to expect with Chemotherapy. After the meeting, I was given a tour of the Infusion Suite (where all the fun happens) which brings me back to pure imagination. Gonna be needing a lot of that because it’s the least warm space I’ve ever seen. Sure, there are lounge chairs, tvs and snacks but the energy is definitely lacking. I have to spend 8 hours twice a month for 6 months to receive my treatment – which in that room is going to be a challenge.

Cue the pure imagination Wonka! Take me there!

Inspiration – Believe

A mantra that I embrace is that attitude is everything. Living a conscious life with intention and purpose. We reap what we believe. We all have the ability to create the world we wish to live in. What you visualize, you internalize and what you internalize dictates what you realize.

“You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you.”